“Passing as a woman” is the Holy Grail for many crossdressers and transgender women.
But is it really a goal worth pursuing?
If you’ve been afraid to show your feminine side for fear of not “passing,” it might be time to rethink your priorities.
I believe everybody has the potential to pass, but let’s face it… it’s not always easy!
It could take years to master all the subtleties of walking, talking, and presenting yourself as a woman. You might even require surgery to be truly passable in all situations.
That means that unless you plan to live as a woman full time, trying to become 100% passable just isn’t practical.
Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look feminine and harmonious enough not to stand out in a negative way – even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a cisgender (genetic) woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.
Now I’d love to hear from YOU!
Please take my “Passing Poll” and share your thoughts below!
Love,
Lucille
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For me anyway it is a big deal! I am way to masculine looking! I need to lose weight desperately and after seeing a counselor for a year (wanted to take hormones) he said, “You know, I understand your desire to be feminine and even be a woman but I have to be honest with you, You would make a very unattractive looking woman!” I was devastated and cried and felt humiliated! I have now since resorted to going back in the closet! My breasts are growing with little or no increase in nipple or areola size. I am so frustrated! 30 years living with female inside my heart and soul and male outside! I have started to take anti depressants! I want to be like a girl!
I am not a therapist! I am a similarly masculine trans-woman. I bolstered my masculine appearance to hide my feminine feelings my entire life. I started transitioning at age 42. I have seen 12 therapists in my lifetime in regards to my feelings about being a woman. Only two of the therapists knew anything about gender issues.
Working with a therapist that doesn’t understand gender issues can be positively fatal. It is not depression, it may look the same to others, but it is completely different. Anti-depressants will only mask the symptoms for a while. You need a qualified therapist that understands what you are going through.
In my experience even a single milligram of estrogen will completely remove the “depression” within 20 minutes.
This page gives a good educational overview.
Please love and accept yourself with full respect for who you feel yourself to be. The “closet” is not the answer. You deserve to be happy, fulfilled, and you have the right to be yourself. Please seek qualified assistance.
I was in therapy for quite a while before I came out of the closet. Was outing myself scary? Heck yes it was. Was it worth it? Absolutely!!! Were my friends, family, and coworkers surprised? Yes they were. I had lived my life 100% closeted. Did any of them stop loving and caring for me? Not one! My friends and family are closer now than they’ve ever been. The love I feel from them is profound. Your strength will give others tremendous courage.
Two acquaintances of all the people I know simply couldn’t handle it. They may come around eventually, but I don’t care one way or the other. It’s their loss not mine.
I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. You deserve to be happy!! Please, please, please get qualified assistance.
Lovingly, Dana.
I thought becoming a woman would be absolutely impossible. Now I pass most of the time when I’m fully dressed. This is what I looked like when I started…
By the time the FFS is done and I’ve done more work on my voice I suspect that I will pass 99.9% of the time.
Good luck!!
Have no fear Erica. Your therapist is the biggest jerk on the planet. You are what you feel yourself to be. It took me at least three months of living full-time to begin accepting my own womanhood enough to blend in. Look at women in the real-world vs TV stars and cover models. You are a far more attractive woman than most. Follow your heart. You will become more feminine with each passing day. Believe in yourself and get a therapist that understands basic human decency and gender issues. It takes study, practice, and fearless dedication to becoming the person you feel yourself to be. The rest will follow.
I was late in transitioning mainly due to fear and lack of confidence. Now I live full time and am loving it. One of the major key elements in being out in public is belief and confidence in yourself. I am fortunate in that I present myself as a mature elderly woman and in the past 7 years early after my initial transition, I have been “outed” only once and that was when the person heard my voice before seeing me. Since then, with some work, I totally pass. One of my favorite “hobbies” is to look at anyone I pass, directly into thier eyes and smile to get their attention and response. It invariably gets me a smile in return and often stangers, mostly women, will stop and chat with me. It is wonderful.
Hi Hun, I really don’t have much problem fitting in. My councilor says I look better as a woman than a guy. And he and I have come to the agreement that there really is a woman inside. And I think this week or next, I’ll be getting my hormone letter. Actually I have more problems hiding my breasts when in guy mode. I’m a 42C compliments of thyroid cancer. One of my hobbies is people watching,and I’ve found women come in a varity of sizes and shapes. Thanks BJ
Thank you Lucille for all the good advice you share with us.
I know that people at a glance would probably think that I pass but on close encounters I know that although the compliments are welcomed the judgmental vibs are usually self explanatory.
As a transgender person I love the woman inside and the woman I portray on the outside, so negative looks or comments are quickly ignored
The time I spend en-fem is truly me and Kim is the better part of my life
I pass most of the time. I have learned not to sweat it if I am made. If I get asked “Are you a dude?” my kind reply is “I have a penis, if that is what you are wondering”
Lucille, I don’t do this to pass for a woman I do it for my own satisfaction, I have been at this for a long time, I use the articles you send to refine my image. I am 64 years old and will probably never go out in public…………….
As a younger person, I didn’t have the courage to go out. I would have passed more easily then. Now as an older person, I have a much more challenging time of it. The difference is now I realize I am as much a woman inside as any genetic born girl out there. Maybe THAT gives me more confidence and now I DO go out. I too have realized it doesn’t really matter what anyone else thinks, just what I feel. When I put on my dress, heels hosiery, wig and makeup, I feel whole! FINALLY!!!!
Hi I’ve just started its been almost a week.
I’ve wanted to have breast all my life.
I’m still in the closet, peeking out.
I can start to see some changes sometimes I think there just in my head.
I want to go large but yes I am very nervous about it.
I want to show ferm….
It is important to be you all the way.
and look the best you can be.
never give up on a goal, and yes most goals are hard to reach…
Thanks
G.