Embracing your true self as a transgender woman or crossdresser can be challenging to say the least. It’s no surprise that fear often stands in the way of taking the next step!
Have you ever considered what you would do if fear didn’t hold you back?
- Would you plan an exciting femme outing?
- Would you confidently reveal your feminine side to someone significant?
- Would you embrace living as a woman, regardless of naysayers?
We often have a million reasons why we can’t do something – be it our age, family responsibilities, or finances.
But the truth is, it usually boils down to fear.
Are you ready to be fearless? Here are 3 tips to help you conquer your fear so you can confidently express your fabulous female self.
1. Accept Your Fear
What you resist often persists. However, when you accept your fear, it has a peculiar way of losing its grip on you.
Our minds are designed to keep us safe. Facing unknown situations or potential disapproval triggers fear in us by default.
Recognizing fear as a natural biological response can make it easier to accept. Remember, feeling fear doesn’t signify weakness – it just means you’re human!
(Note: I’m not suggesting you ignore fear in situations concerning your physical safety. Always use common sense in these cases.)
2. Replace Your Fear Thoughts
Have you ever worried that something terrible would happen, only to realize it never did? Most fear arises from our thoughts vs. the actual reality of the situation.
You cannot simultaneously think two thoughts. Therefore, if you focus on a positive thought, it becomes impossible to think a negative or fearful one at the same time.
Drowning out your fear thoughts with soothing thoughts can go a long way in helping you deal with your fear. Here are some thoughts to try:
- I deserve this.
- I’ve done harder things before.
- I am stronger than my fear.
3. Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway
There is a book out there called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. I highly recommend you read the book, but the title alone is a great motto to live by.
The core idea is simple yet powerful: the only way to conquer a specific fear is to confront it head-on and take action. Once you do it, there’s nothing left to fear!
Have you ever noticed that the more you avoid something, the scarier it becomes? Avoidance doesn’t dispel fear; it merely builds anticipation, which often proves worse than the actual event.
The more you face your fears and take action despite them, the stronger and more confident you become.
Are you ready to be fearless?
So what would YOU do if you had no fear? Are you willing to take one small step in that direction? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below!
Love,
Lucille
I’m 48 and at age 40 decided it was time to just go out in the most natural, average, “everyday” look I could do, and simply go about my day. I was reminded of all the times over the years I’d noticed a person out in public who didn’t look 100% like a woman, but was obviously presenting a female face, hair, and attire – what was my reaction? Probably a quick second (or third look) but then that was that and I moved on and it was no big deal. And I convinced myself that in 21st century Los Angeles, in a store or restaurant, an office building or library, others might give me that same 2nd look, but no one is going to come up to me and actually SAY or DO something, right? And when I’m in places like Portland, Seattle, Minneapolis, and San Francisco, even the 2nd looks don’t happen as much. So I just do my own hair in a very average pull-back clip, on my shoulders with soft bangs in front, very basic “daily” make-up, jewelry, and clothes, and I just go about my day with no issues from others.
Hi Cathy – I think you are definetly going about this the right way. The way to look like a normal woman is, as you do, BE a normal woman…usually very casual dress, lite make-up, etc. I think you are doing great with both your actions and attitude. Great Job.
I have made several jummps when I was with the army and woundnt trade it for anything you’ll love it I believe that you will have to jump tandom at first when you jump solo get in the habit of not looking down land by feel eyes have a tendensy of misjujing distance specially at nigt. I envy you
Just reading the comments, I must say that these girls’ courage to do this is really amazing. I haven’t gone out in public en femme but in my mind, I am a woman 🙂 Wish 2013 be a gorgeous year for all of you.
Sky diving ! You lucky girl, I’d do it in a heart beat. Jumping out of a perfectly good airplane is just another extreme way to have fun. In many ways it’s like coming out as a female,you take a leap and hope you have made all the preparations. You are one of our lifelines to those preparations, the parachute. We Thank You and wish you The Merriest of Christmases.
yes!
hey ladies just back from local cosmetics store drop 300.00 bucks!!!my question is buying more expensive products better than say cover girl or maybelline lines ? not there not effective just getting better quality offers less break outs is this true. im using Lise Watier and my face feels incredible so soft now and does it really make a diff. let me know what you all are using ! maybe Lucille has already covered this and i missed it. forgive me .oxox girls
I’m very lucky in that I pass very well in public, and the reason I pass is because “passing” is more about “blending in” than “passing as a woman”, per Se’. I consider myself to be transsexual, and so I NEED to spend time just “being” Jeanette. That is why now, after several years of going out in public en femme, I do a lot of what people consider routine errands when I do so, like going to Walmart or Target or the pharmacy to pick up weekly things. I love doing this, it’s incredibly validating and beats the heck out of just staying home and parading in front the mirror.
It took a TON of gumption for me to do this the very first time, because of (guess what…)… FEAR. I’ll never ever forget that day… I was bound and determined I was going to go inside a Walgreen’s store and buy a pair of pantyhose. Got to the first Walgreen’s store… sat in the car for about 15 minutes… and chickened out. Luckily there’s Walgreen’s stores ALL OVER the city where I live. Drove to another Walgreen’s… same thing, I chickened out. This happened about 5 more times that night, when finally, I said “Screw this”, and went inside. My heart was beating in my throat. But I did it. I KNOW perfectly well the young girl waiting on me READ me, but I didn’t care… because I DID it. Be persistent.
Yep, Lucille is spot-on about this topic. To this day I still feel fear occasionally (but much less often), and to me, in my opinion, a little fear can be good because it keeps you on your toes. I have ALWAYS reserved myself the right to back out of a situation if I don’t feel right about doing it while out in public as Jeanette. If for whatever reason I don’t feel right about it, I don’t do it.
A couple years ago, I started keeping a cumulative list in my purse of all the different stores and places I’ve been and things I’ve done while out in public as Jeanette. The list is now 2 pages long. In the last 8 days I’ve been to 13 different places as Jeanette. Whenever I feel a little trepidation about going somewhere en femme, I get out my list and look at it… and it helps conquer that fear.
Believe me, it is sooooo wonderful and validating the first time you’re out en femme and someone addresses you as “Ma’am”, or “Miss”. INCREDIBLE! I still love hearing it even though I get called “Ma’am” quite often now. It’s also very validating walking around in a store or outside in public and being IGNORED. Being ignored means you’re passing as a woman because you blend in with other women.
One last thing in my long post here. A fashion tip: It’s great to go out in heels and a skirt or a dress, but if you’re out just doing some basic shopping or running errands, wear ACTIVE WEAR once in awhile. Look around you at the stores and malls, A LOT of women are out shopping wearing yoga pants, tennis shoes, warm-up jackets. This year I’ve bought some womens’ Avia walking tennis shoes, warm-up jackets, spandex wide-leg jazz pants with a matching warm-up jacket, and 4 leotards to wear underneath. Dance clothes or workout clothes are very comfortable, fit well and are age-appropriate for EVERYONE. You see women of all ages and shapes and sizes dressed like this. The most popular color for ladies active wear is black too, which goes with anything and has a slimming effect on you. The best thing about ladies active wear? IT’S SEASON-LESS, ladies!! Goes good in spring, summer, fall and winter, and a great addition to your wardrobe that will make you blend in with other women. Trust me, it works!!
Well this lucky lady has to go now, but I love sharing my experiences and tips with you, because I like helping my fellow girls out any way I can. Stay beautiful, swallow your fear, and always be persistent, you’ll be able to do anything!! …Love, Jeanette… 🙂
such a nice inspiring story. way to go ! this is my blend in look even though i dont think am passing i think alot of people really don’t care what im wearing?? so far . Lisa
Thank you Lucille so very much. Your wisdom and the generous spirit in which you share helps me to be the girl I was born to be! Again, I owe you so very much… Sincerely, Evelynn Jenna-Mariah Flewell
I still have some degree of fear. Coming out as the me that I truly feel I am has been a long hard road. I now look to the road ahead of me like this….”this is me, the who I am! Accept me as the me I am, or simply go away!” I am happy with myself. I still have some issues with certain situations, but I am getting through them one step at a time. Lucille’s advice has been helping me along the way. (L) Lucille, I have never been skydiving before, but that sounds fun and exciting!! If you are ever up in the northwest, I would go skydiving with you